From Misalignment to Momentum: Mastering Alignment Conversations

Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, ‘Hmm, that didn’t go as planned’? Or did you find yourself frustrated when someone didn’t follow through as expected? More often than not, these moments stem from a lack of alignment—not in intention, but in communication.

At the heart of effective leadership is the ability to engage in Alignment Conversations — generative dialogues that foster clarity, commitment, and shared understanding. These conversations ensure that teams, colleagues, and stakeholders are on the same page, leading to more effective collaboration and tangible results.

A key ingredient in these conversations is the ability to make clear requests and promises soundly while remaining open and curious. When we do this well, the outcome is often significantly enriched requests, stronger commitments, and, ultimately, better solutions. Yet, despite its importance, many of us hesitate when it comes to making requests or holding others accountable for commitments.

We assume: “Surely they know what to do.”

We second-guess: “What if they say no?” or “I’ll owe them if they say yes.”

We avoid: “It’s easier if I just do it myself.”

These hesitations, though common, often lead to confusion, unspoken expectations, and unmet goals. Alignment Conversations help bridge this gap, ensuring that what we ask for and what we commit to are clear, intentional, and meaningful.

Why Alignment Conversations matter in leadership

For leaders, alignment is not just about ensuring everyone is working toward the same goal; it’s about creating a culture of clarity and accountability. Every day, leaders navigate complex interactions where expectations, priorities, and responsibilities must be negotiated.

In our experience coaching executives and leadership teams, we’ve seen that unclear expectations often lead to unnecessary rework, frustration, and even conflict. Misalignment doesn’t happen because people don’t care — it happens because expectations are not explicitly discussed and agreed upon.

When leaders master Alignment Conversations, they:

• Communicate requests with clarity and intention.
• Create a culture of accountability and follow-through.
• Strengthen trust through thoughtful, well-structured agreements.
• Encourage dialogue and openness rather than assumptions and avoidance.

The power of Requests and Promises

At the core of effective Alignment Conversations are two fundamental speech acts: requests and promises. These are the building blocks of collaboration — every meaningful commitment starts with either making a request or responding to one.

• Requests: Making clear requests requires clarity and confidence. Instead of vague or implied expectations, effective leaders articulate exactly what they need, why it matters, and what success looks like.
• Promises: A well-made promise isn’t just about saying “yes” or “no.” It includes four key elements:

1. 1. Understanding – Do I fully grasp what is being asked of me?
   2. Sincerity – Am I genuinely committed to delivering on this?
   3. Competence – Do I have the capability and resources to fulfil this promise?
   4. Reliability – Can others trust that I will follow through?

Promises become powerful tools for building accountability and trust when these elements are in place.

Clarify your Essential Intent

Before making a request or committing to a promise, a simple but powerful first step is to clarify your Essential Intent¹.

Ask yourself:

• What is most important to me in this situation?
• How does this request align with my broader purpose?

We often rush into conversations without fully understanding our own motivations. But when we pause to reflect on why we’re making a request and how it connects to our leadership goals, our conversations become more intentional and effective.

This approach simplifies decision-making — it becomes one decision that makes 1,000 decisions¹. When your Essential Intent is clear, your requests become sharper, your promises become more grounded, and your leadership becomes more authentic.

Building Alignment through structured conversations

In our upcoming Alignment & Delegation workshop, part of our university-accredited Leadership Conversations series, we will explore how leaders can:

• Use precise language to move beyond vague expectations to well-structured agreements.
• Leverage an integral framework to explore multiple possibilities before agreeing on clear action steps.
• Make powerful, well-formed requests that lead to action rather than ambiguity.
• Craft thoughtful promises that strengthen accountability and trust.

Participants will engage in practical, hands-on exercises to develop these skills, ensuring they walk away with tools they can immediately apply in their leadership roles.

Join us and take your leadership to the next level.

Mastering Alignment Conversations transforms not just how leaders communicate, but how they influence, delegate, and collaborate. By learning to make clear requests and sound promises, leaders cultivate trust, clarity, and a strong foundation for action.

Join us for a practical, experiential session where we’ll practice these essential skills—helping you lead with confidence, delegate effectively, and create true alignment in your teams.

Learn more and sign up: Alignment & Delegation Workshop

Learn more about our Leadership workshops: Leadership Conversations

All courses in the Leadership Conversations Series are delivered in collaboration with the University of Cape Town’s Graduate School of Business.

Key Takeaways for Effective Alignment Conversations

• Clarify your Essential Intent – ask yourself: What is most important in this situation? and How does this request align with my broader purpose?
• Be clear in your requests – communicate exactly what you need, why it matters, and what success looks like.
• Make thoughtful promises — before committing, ensure you fully understand the request and that you are sincere, capable, and reliable in delivering on what you commit to.
• Shift from assumptions to agreements – avoid second-guessing or assuming others “just know.” Instead, co-create explicit, shared commitments.
• Stay open and curious – alignment is a dialogue, not a demand. Explore multiple possibilities before locking in commitments.

While these principles seem simple, in practice, deeply held beliefs and assumptions often disrupt our ability to apply them effectively. Each team and organisation has its own culture that shapes these dynamics. Through our leadership programs and team coaching, we work with leaders to uncover and shift these patterns—catalysing significant and lasting impact. — Daniel Ahlers, Managing Partner, Centre for Coaching Europe

References:

¹ McKeown, G. (2014). Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Crown Business.