The Power of Coaching & Leading with Love

A journey of expression, connection and leadership

“I love you.” Three short words, and yet so powerful. It starts here – how do you feel about saying those three words to someone you care about, someone you are romantically involved with? What about to your parents, to your children? To your siblings? To your friends? How willing and able are you to say that to a friend?

Simon Sinek shared his experience with this on the topic of friendship and the power of the impact it has on the giver and on the receiver (https://simonsinek.com/stories/one-really-simple-way-you-can-be-a-better-friend-according-to-simon/). I had never been one to say “I love you” left, right and centre, and I realised that this stems from my upbringing. It is something I have consciously worked hard at expressing more consistently to those I hold dear, in particular my wife and children. It’s a constant effort, which is becoming easier, and I feel the impact both on myself and on them – the expression of this deep and powerful thing called Love.

Love is an emotion, it is also a verb, and a noun as well as a value. According to ancient Indian wisdom, love is a fundamental force of the universe, to the same extent as gravity or magnetism. An essential energy that binds all existence together.

“I realised that there was no magic that was going to happen. It was up to me to decide, ‘What’s my framework for living?’ So I made a decision, and my decision was: Love is the most powerful force in the universe. I believe that love and courage are the core elements of a fulfilling life and of most successful endeavours.”

— Elaine Fortier, VP of HR, New Focus —

What, then, might we do in order to harness this, the most powerful force in the universe?

The key lies within. Our capacity for self-love. To be able to say ‘I love you’ to yourself and really mean it. Many of us are focused on the external – where we perhaps experienced maternal love, seeking or yearning for that expression of love and validation from others. While this is beautiful to offer to others, and wonderful to receive, where we are able to tap into a bottomless well of infinitely powerful love is within. As A.H. Almaas shares, if we look to the outside, we will get what is there – possibly psychological babyhood – where many people are psychologically poor, weak and unconscious. We will find real love, support, consciousness, intelligence, strength and protection by turning to the essence. By turning toward our own essence, we will find the source of all the things we wanted from the outside. Learning that basic law, and learning how to turn more and more towards our essence until we are completely, totally the very nature of our essence, seeing that it is all there, all that we need.

While this may make perfect sense, it is our journey on this fascinating path of integration that is sometimes a beautiful, uplifting one and sometimes a painful and humbling one.

And how does this link to our work as leaders, as coaches, as professionals? In a professional context, expressing love will be governed by the cultural norms in place, which we have all acquired a certain skill in navigating. Being able to embrace this journey of the experience of love both towards others and towards oneself, without necessarily verbalising it, will open new possibilities, transformational possibilities:

Love produces a certain flowering of the whole personality which nothing else can achieve.

— Ivan Turgenev —

Many find this path too challenging, and prefer as Machiavelli suggested 500 years ago to choose the safer path of fear. I choose not to follow his well-intentioned advice, and challenge you to do the same. Operating from a place of Love does not mean we are all soft and mushy – rather we truly inhabit a space of ‘Compassionate Candor’, caring deeply while challenging directly¹. What might be possible if we were to embrace this journey? It has the power to inspire and motivate us, improve the lives of others through those we interact with, and, in these turbulent times, enables us to search for more soul, more meaning and purpose, it engages those around us, creates bonds and through all of this we have impact (i.e. better results) and it appeals to the deepest level of the people we want to work/collaborate with.

My invitation: start somewhere, anywhere. We are all somewhere on this journey. It may be saying ‘I love you’ to someone you really care about, it may be saying ‘I love you’ to yourself as you look at yourself in the mirror, it may be the deepening of your exploration of your essence. Whatever you choose will be perfect for you, an expression of True Love.

“If you want to change your people, love your people.”

– Mother Theresa –

Further reading on the topic of Love:

Connect, Then Lead by Amy J.C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut and John Neffinger (Harvard Business Review, July-August 2013)
Effective leadership begins with warmth before competence — leaders who first establish trust and emotional connection are more influential than those who rely solely on demonstrating expertise. By leading with warmth, leaders create psychological safety, foster collaboration, and build stronger relationships, ultimately making their competence more impactful and well-received. (10-15 min read)

One really simple way you can be a better friend by Simon Sinek – on the topic of friendship and the impact of saying “I love you” (3-5min read)

Inspiring videos to watch:

Why The Best Leaders Make Love The Top Priority | Matt Tenney | TEDx
Matt Tenney discusses compelling case studies and research that highlight the importance of prioritizing love in leadership to foster successful and thriving organizations. (9 mins)

About Love, Relationships and Leadership | Simon Sinek (3 mins)

References:

1. Scott, Kim (2019) Radical Candor – Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity, Macmillan USA